My survivor-advocacy memoir, Though I Walk, spans six years, beginning in November 2015–when my anxiety began to manifest in ways that were beyond my control–and ends in 2021 shortly after my lawsuit against the Sioux City Diocese of the Catholic Church ended. But as I wrote in the preface, this journey has been my entire life. The abuse I endured as a child began when I was around nine years old. I’m now close to 70. Trauma and healing are a lifetime journey, not a singular event. And it’s for this reason, partially, that I chose to write my story.
Though I Walk is a story about breaking the silence on childhood trauma. It’s a memoir on truth-telling and healing. It’s a clergy abuse survivor story.
In other words, it’s not a light read. Or, a fluff piece. Or, something you’ll want to take on a family vacation or to the beach. Far from it.
Though I Walk is for those who want to be a part of a much-needed conversation about childhood trauma, clergy abuse, and justice. It’s for those who have been there or know someone who has. For those who want to do something about it. For people willing to look into the shadows of religion, power and control, systemic abuse, and see what lurks there.
I decided to write my story because even after filing a lawsuit, I never felt acknowledged or validated. The lawsuit didn’t make me feel visible or heard. And after, when I wrote to the bishop of the diocese and the Pope, I was met with silence. As I also wrote in the preface, “I decided if no one would see me…if no one would apologize…if no one would hear me or listen…if no one would list his name on the credibly accused list…I would do the only thing I could think to do: I’d take my story into my own hands and write a book.”
Rather than wait for others to listen and respond, I decided to share my story as a memoir. While the endeavor began as one that was both personal and healing, I realized over time my story might encourage a much-needed conversation about what happens to our children when they’re abused. I realized it might reach other survivors, and if it did, they would feel less alone.
My memoir casts light on a very real global pandemic of violence that has occurred for decades and continues to. I’m using my story as a call to action, especially to those who have never been a victim of this kind of abuse but know people who have. I want Though I Walk to stir people into action. To make people think differently, act differently. To challenge society, to stand up and speak out. To refuse to let this detestable violence happen. Because it’s not just harming children in the moment or for the finite years the abuse exists. It’s trauma that inflicts a wound for the rest of their lives, and no one should have to endure that much pain and suffering for their lifetime.
If this reflection resonates with you, please share this post or order a copy of my memoir, Though I Walk, to learn more about my journey of truth and recovery.